“Pain will leave, once it is done teaching you.”
— Bruce Lee

I’ve been a bit quiet on this front lately. Doing some intense readings, journalling, delving deep into my past doing what the metacosm calls “shadow work”. Looking back into my childhood to find unhealed traumas … identifying them specifically, seeing them clearly, empathizing with the feelings and exploring how they affect my psyche today.

I’ve said this before, I’ve been doubtful of this kind of work in the past, but at this point in time, I’m finding incredible revelations about circumstances that bent me into shapes I was never meant to embody.

We all love our parents for the most part, and I did love mine dearly. But noone gets a manual for raising children, and my parents were WWII generation, influenced by the cultures they were raised in. There were many mistakes made that are very clear to me now. Some I knew to heal myself, and did many years ago. But I am surprised that some of my more idiotic kneejerk responses are based in how I was nurtured as a toddler. The fixes proposed by the various books I’ve been reading have been very effective in both bringing attention to the source, confirming the diagnoses as I apply the recommended cures.

I wish I could mention specifics, but I think many may have done work like this. You’ll know what I’m going through. Again, I was raised with a healthy suspicion of psychiatry and psychology. My interests in those subjects are wholly my own. Long ago I delved into James Hillman’s work … and I’m finding on re-reading his books is bringing incredible amounts of new appreciation and deep knowledge.

Can reading a book change a life? Good Christ, I can tell you yes. I am triangulating across many books right now, and there are nuggets of gold even in the worse-written self-help Kindle tome. It feels like my quick-scan abilities from decades of blogging were gifted to me just for this purpose.

I’m chomping at the bit to have these newly healed hurts tested in the real world. As each opportunity comes, I find myself joyfully wading into situations I felt were uncomfortable or painful before.

I’m the same. But different. It’s a good start. And it’s great.